The “Quiet-Life” of Japanese Marriages

In this post we’ll talk about… well… not talking.

Marriage with a Japanese woman certainly is an adventure… especially when she prefers not to talk. Unlike marriages in the West (where it is encouraged to keep the conversation flowing between both members as long as the marriage lasts) Japanese women yearn to have a marriage where unspoken understanding becomes the normal way to “communicate.”


Perfect “communication” in the mind of Japanese women (and probably most Japanese men as well) is when the other person knows exactly what you need before you even need to say anything. A Japanese wife wants her husband to know her so well that she doesn’t need to say anything — he just knows what she needs, when she needs it, and then provides it ASAP. The only time actual verbal communication is necessary is when it’s time to complain about the lack of unspoken understanding.

I’ve heard about this from my own wife. But, not believing her opinion as the norm, I decided not to write about this until I could get more proof. That proof came from a Chinese friend of mine who often hears the exasperated cries of the married Japanese women around her. “My husband just doesn’t know what I want or what I need” is the most often heard complaint.

Now, you need to understand that Chinese people, in general, love to talk. In fact, it seems that Chinese marriages are a little closer to Western marriages than Japanese marriages are. (Proving that all Asian cultures are not the same!)

In conclusion, Japanese people just prefer to have less and less conversation as the relationship progresses deeper and deeper. So, if you want to keep your Japanese girlfriend or Japanese wife happy and satisfied, then do your best to understand her needs and provide for her before she has to say so. (Easier said than done, but possible!)