Below is the full article from that issue:

Like Japanese Girls? Then You Need This Book

By Rick Ambrosio


There I was again, outside my apartment, in the car with Hitomi. Again, at this awkward moment where we both fidget and she puts the Toni Braxton CD in. This is, of course, over a year ago, back in Japan. Even after living in Japan for a year and a half, I still had moments like this; social impasses as I liked to call them.

We both didn’t know what to say, or what to do. Well, in reality, I didn’t know what to say or do. This was before I understood what “nan demo ii” really meant, before I could fully understand all the silent cues. This was before I read David J. Radtke’s Understanding Japanese Women.

I know, I know, you’re thinking, “oh no, not another pick-up line book. Not another cheesy how-to.” It’s what I feared before I started reading it, too. However, I was delightfully surprised that the e-book was instead full of very useful tips for interacting with Japanese women. No pick-ups or tricks, just a lot of hard-won information from a lot of trial and error. Also, the mystifying question, “why do I see so many attractive Japanese girls with super-dorky Western guys?” was finally answered!

Radtke graduated from Detroit’s Wayne State University in 1995 and was a JET in Shiga prefecture from 1995-98. While there, like many other JET males before and after him, he did some dating and eventually settled down, married and had two genki kids. After a few years of marriage, he began a Web site for other foreigners trying to understand Japanese women. It was here that he began doling out the wisdom he and others had gained from years of dating and marriage to help Westerners dealing with the confusion and frustration that one often encounters when dating women from another culture.

“In the beginning there were only about 15 articles, and yet I began to receive e-mails from quite a few Western men, and even some Japanese women, about the content,” David said. “Each e-mail contained a battery of questions that the Web site had yet to cover. Many of the same questions kept popping up, but questions about problems that I had yet to experience were also included.” Thus began David’s research.

Using Craigslist to swap questions from men across the globe and conducting interviews with Japanese men and women of all ages and stations, David began to piece together the main cultural roadblocks that existed not only for many Western men dating Japanese women, but also the issues and viewpoints of Japanese men as well. “The more I talked with Japanese people, the more I found the same answers popping up,” David said. “There was consistency. There was stability in the advice they gave me. And that was what I wanted—solid, reliable advice to solve the problems Western men were having in relationships with Japanese women.”

The book tackles an assortment of issues from multiple angles, one of which I found interesting was confidence. This section of the book contained some guidance I felt would be found in other advice books; how to gain confidence and why it’s important. Unlike other books, he then builds upon that by helping us understand the concept of confidence through the Japanese lens, and how it’s displayed and perceived by Japanese men and women. It’s these cultural insights from the book that are invaluable, and frankly, I wish I had known about before I went to Japan. The e-book takes situations that have left many a Western man furrowing their brow, breaks it down, explains the cultural significance from both the male and female perspective, and then suggests a thought-out way to deal with the situation.

David isn’t done, though. “Right now I’m doing the research for a second book on relationships with Japanese women [provisionally] called “UJW – Marriage and Beyond.” His next e-book will cover the adjustments one needs to make when in an interracial marriage, from dealing with communication issues and raising bilingual children to in-laws and divorce. Maybe it’s too late for me since I’m back from Japan now, and those awkward silences in the parking lot with Hitomi are long gone, but Understanding Japanese Women gave me some nostalgic flashbacks as well as a bunch of “ohh, so that’s why!” moments. The e-book puts into writing many abstract concepts I tried explaining to my Western friends in America about dating in Japan. Many embarrassing situations could have been easier navigated had I read the book years ago. If I were in charge of JET I’d think about make it a required reading for single male JETs. It would certainly ease grassroots international relations and allow clearer perceptions of each other’s culture.

I bet you’re still wondering, “What about the geeky guys and the cute girls!?” Well, I suppose I could tell you, but I figure you’ll just have to read the book to find out. (I can’t spoil everything!) As for me, armed with all this new and useful information, it’s about time I give Hikki Utada another call.

(Click here to download the issue for yourself.)

Sounds normal wouldn’t you say?

But in contrast, Japanese dating couples often sit in semi-silence while eating, only to enter into lively conversation once the meal has ended. (Please keep in mind that this generalization of Japanese dating culture refers to couples and not a huge party of drunken office workers out for a night on the town.)

Here’s a tid-bit about the Philippines:
A man should not visit his girlfriend’s relatives if he does not want the relationship to be viewed as a serious one.

Again, Japanese culture is different. Meeting the relatives doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship is a serious “we’re thinking about getting married” one.

So what’s my point in all of this?

Simple.

In order to have a successful, loving relationship with a Japanese woman, you must understand Japanese culture — especially during the first few dates. It is during this time that cultural blunders will go unnoticed as “cultural blunders.” Instead they will be taken as a lack of tact, a lack of good manners, a lack of common sense, or all three.

(The above two comparisons between Japan and China and Japan and the Philippines should make the point glaringly obvious.)

And the biggest point of all is this: that Japanese culture is VASTLY different than Western cultures. It’s true that Asian cultures have some similarities. But when you compare Japan and the West, the similarities are few and far between.

But it is only the beginning to a much larger set of resources to help Western men with their interracial relationship challenges!

Interracial marriage is probably the most challenging type of relationship to be involved in. Not only do you have to deal with the normal challenges of marriage that arise from personality differences, but now differences in culture will threaten to tear great rifts between the you and the one you hold so dear. And so the only question is this: are you prepared?

Continuing where the Understanding Japanese Women e-book left off, Understanding Japanese Marriages will dive deep into the challenges of interracial married life and offer real solutions to smooth out the conflicts or to even prevent them from ever happening.

Here are just a few of the topics that will be covered:

• Adjusting to interracial married life.
• Solving confusing interracial conflicts.
• Bridging the gaps in communication.
• Dealing with your Japanese in-laws.
• Raising bilingual children.
• Living with mixed religions.
• Handling divorce and custody issues.
• And more!

This new e-book is scheduled for a 2010 fall release. But until then, I encourage you to pick up a copy of the Understanding Japanese Women e-book in preparation. In many cases, the UJW e-book by itself may just solve your marital problems now!

You input equals a better e-book

In order to make this new e-book as complete and as detailed as possible, I’m asking anyone who is interested in contributing for any comments, suggestions, or even questions about interracial marriages with Japanese women. So if you’d like to share any of the affore mentioned, then please feel free to send me an e-mail to the following address:

contact@japandatingtips.com

I look forward to hearing from you!

Sincerely,
David J. Radtke

Japanese women are mysterious in more than just outward appearances – they have a deep, inner mystery called culture that makes building successful relationships with them a challenge to anyone lacking the knowledge of the Japanese dating and relationship customs.

Contrary to what many men believe, all women world-wide do not act exactly the same way in romantic relationships. What may be correct behaviour for a Western woman to do in a relationship could possibly be rude, embarrassing, or both to a Japanese woman. What may be considered an extremely loving gesture a Japanese girlfriend gives to her man may offer absolutely no feelings of love and affection to the man from his cultural point of view.

This is the reason for the creation of Japan Dating Tips and the e-book Understanding Japanese Women: to help men all over the world get the much needed advice and cultural tips to help them succeed with making a Japanese woman into a Japanese girlfriend, improving their relationship with a current Japanese girlfriend, and even smoothing out the bumps men encounter with a Japanese wife.

What I’m talking about is the slightly annoying habit that Japanese people do. It’s the “Nihongo wa jyouzu desu ne!” (Your Japanese is very good!) compliment.

It’s something that 99.9999% (approximately ) of all Japanese people say to any foreigner who utters even the simplest of Japanese expressions, including “konnichi wa!” (Hello, Good Afternoon) It seems so odd to most Westerners living in Japan that Japanese people can offer up such glorious praise after hearing the simplest of utterances.

But there is a reason…

I’ve read in many places that Japanese people do this because they believe that their language is too difficult for foreigners to grasp. When a Japanese person hears an “outsider” say even the simplest of Japanese expressions, he or she is dumbfounded at the foreigner’s great ability and so praises the amazing accomplishment.

What a bunch of nonsense!

The truth is that complementing someone you just met is considered polite in Japan. If two Japanese businessmen meet for the first time, at some point in the conversation each will compliment the other on something. “I’ve heard many good things about your company” for example. It’s just the polite thing to do. And each man knows that the compliments come from no real knowledge of the other person.

When Japanese people meet foreigners, the most obvious compliment that can be made is one about the foreigner’s ability to speak Japanese. And so, that is what they do.

After becoming fluent in the language, I’ve noticed more and more that Japanese people stop complimenting me on my Japanese ability and more on other “unknown topics.” But because of this custom, it can sometimes be hard to tell if I’m really receiving honest praise or I’m just the recipient Japanese politeness.

So if you’d like to be more “Japanese,” then try finding something that you can praise when you meet someone for the first time. It will help to smooth out the first meeting and prove that you know a thing or two about Japanese culture.

And of course:
Should you receive any compliment, the best response is to say “Sonna koto nai desu.” (That really isn’t so.) It’s great because it is the culturally correct Japanese response to any compliment!